tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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