when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
