Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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