no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
