Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
