ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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