Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize