i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Randomize
