none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize