4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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