if only i could text you this smell
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
