i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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