He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
