Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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