I got her a Nickelback box set.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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