I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
where are my eyebrows?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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