the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Randomize
