first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
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