Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
