You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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