i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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