You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
What a dumb baby whore.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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