Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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