I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
