Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
