He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
