McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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