So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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