mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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