ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
