i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
