ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
We had to coat check the pizza.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
