he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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