Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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