i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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