She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize