she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
