so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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