am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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