Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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