there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
