Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize