i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
