GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
