just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
