Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Randomize
