i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
