My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
