Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
