Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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