I feel great
I just peed on a car
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
