I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
