I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
