well you can't waste a boner
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
