U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
