Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
