Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
