Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
