question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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