Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
