Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
