sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
