My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
